I never wanted to be normal..

What does The Doctor call his spare Tardis?


Anonymous said: Someone forgets I pay attention, sweetheart. As I've said a few times before, you're going to have to wait until July for anything further. If NZ does extradite Dotcom, they can do the same to me when and if the Feds ask. Too bad they've had to wait two and a half years, kike bitch.



I apologize for the language above, but it is left whole to show a rather ugly point.

So: My ask box is closed now.

And I’m doing something very, very, very rarely do, and my friends have been begging me to do about this whole thing since day one: meet it head on.

The above ask was sent in by my stalker. This is why my ask box remains closed.

Maybe it is time to show what stalking really is and does.

Imagine getting messages, the type of which make the above seem mild and sweet (add in sexual threats, death threats, and vows to be up to this forever), any time you have any ability for anyone to contact you.

Every day. At times multiple times a day, sometimes in a stream of messages that clog your inbox. 

And when you never once address that, they start contacting your friends, your sister, your parents. Your brother in law. Your infant nephew/godson.

Threatens them consistently. Sends them packages. Sends them postcards. Look sup their private info and parade it in front of them.

For 5.5 years.

Things that thus far haven’t helped: An arrest. An international warrant. International attention. Stays in mental health facilities. Nothing deters this behavior.

Stalking is one of the crimes that takes the victim out of the equation, because of how likely it is that being in it exacerbates the situation. And if we do nothing and let the world exist like this, we are enabling a kind of malice that could threaten the very positive and at times powerful ways we exchange ideas and connect to each other.

The Internet is the wild west, and at some point the cavalry’s gotta come in, here. 

The FBI has been amazing but are limited by a foreign nation’s wish to completely ignore a situation that has been proven many times over to exist. 

I can only be so defiant in private while balancing the need for my and my family’s safety.

You may think, “I’ve seen her at LeakyCons, she’s not affected by this at all!” Never make an assumption by the strength someone is able to project that they are unaffected. And never assume that someone who doesn’t give her life over to something negative completely - disappear from the internet, etc - doesn’t just as much peace and justice as those whose lives lose major functions because of this activity. There is sometimes a paternalistic rise in compassion that rises to meet the level to which a person has been affected. If we start judging that way, we forget that no matter the victim and no matter the effect, the crime is the same and it must be stopped.

So there you go. A glimpse into my life. 

If you wish to stand against stalking, please reblog; and as a bonus, please add your own thoughts about the necessity that a country’s law enforcement agency (in this case New Zealand’s) starts to take this seriously.

This may be the most important thing I ever reblog, and I really hope you take the time to read it. 

I’ve known Melissa throughout much of this and I’ve seen the hurt and damage it has caused. I’ve seen her get not one, but HUNDREDS of highly graphic and possibly viable rape and death threats from this stalker. The notes come into every part of Melissa’s life, pretty much every day. They are both electronic and physical. They go to her family. They threaten everything about her life.

The note you see above is NOTHING compared to some that have come in.

I also get notes from this stalker. As I post this, I set myself up to get more. I send them to the FBI, as I have been instructed. The case file grows.

This has gone on for five and a half years.

It’s hard to keep silent while someone goes through this. 

I hope that the stalker actually gets the medical treatment she so desperately needs. She is a danger to herself as much as anything else. I have gotten at least one letter from her that was a detailed suicide threat. She has also cut her own wrists and posted the picture online. She very, very much needs help. 

I hope Melissa gets justice. She needs her life back.

And I hope this helps pave a way for more victims of online stalking to get the help and protection they need.



Wrecking Ball dog costume

Oh. My. God.
Sherlock on the Fiddle



Sherlock’s violin

It’s weird being in a flat that you recognise off of the telly. Especially when that flat is 221B Baker street, belongs to Sherlock Holmes and is basically a life sized doll’s house, on scaffolding in a hangar, in Cardiff. It’s like Sherlock Holmes goes 3D interactive. You can walk through it, pick stuff up, sniff things, walk behind things. You don’t because that would probably make important people shout at you. But you could. 

Benedict had a week,  and made a surprisingly good sound. I have no doubt he would be a good violinist if he had the inclination.

I get the shooting schedule through. Violin is needed from Tuesday- Saturday- so I head down to Cardiff for the week. 

I’m called for 12.30 on the first day- but I am woken by a phonecall at 8 asking if i can be there in 20 mins.I say yes of course and then scrabble around frantically trying to a) wakeup b) get dressed c) wake up.

I go and stand on set, (ie in Sherlock’s living room/hallway or kitchen, 221B Baker Street) when he’s doing a scene with the violin in as he sometimes has questions between takes.

Amazingly, they are also shooting scenes which don’t involve the violin (IMAGINE!?) during which, I sit around watching the monitors and getting to know some of the cast and crew. I also get into a bit of a loop with Martin Freeman -who plays John Watson:  He is the master of comic timing and understatement. He has an exceptionally expressive face, which you’d know if you’d seen him- which of course you have- he’s Martin Freeman for god’s sake. What’s wrong with you???

It’s a very long, demanding scene (as many of them are) with a lot of violin, and his playing is interrupted frequently. Sherlock is meant to be composing the music he’s playing as he goes along- so he breaks off mid phrase to write some of the melody down, then re-starts, then breaks off to swerve a question from Watson. So I need to see him; to play when he lifts his violin up and stop when he stops.

 But Benedict also needs to see me; to copy my bowings and to ghost what I’m doing. Between us we decide that the best way to do that is for me to be outside the window (which he will look through)- my back to him while watching a monitor of what he’s doing in the scene. I have headphones on to hear the cues too. We try it. I am too low,  Ben can’t see me. They put me on a scissor lift. Too low. They raise the scissor lift. They put one, then two boxes on the scissor lift for me to stand on. This works although I feel slightly precarious because the guard rail is now below my knees and the “baker street’ backdrop in front of me is moving in the wind- messing with my head, like an evil balance prankster ghost, and throwing me off balance.



backdrop and lift


 I watch Ben on this monitor while he watches me through the window.

I gaffer tape the music to the monitor. They are recording the sound. It’s quite scary as I could conceivably balls up the takes. Occasionally Benedict knocks on the window to ask about hand positions. Given how much else he has to think about while playing an instrument entirely alien to him (his multitudinous lines, which hand he uses to point, being on is mark)  he does remarkably well.


Sherlock’s window

As with other scenes they shoot many different angles.

 Even though I am watching him, watching me, watching him and concentrating…and we’ve been doing the scene for a while and I’m standing on a high thing with wobbly walls, trying not to fall off.. even given all of that…when it comes to the close up of Sherlock’s face when he’s playing this sad theme- he looks so forlorn and so deep in his own sorrow that I get overwhelmed with sadness and fill up. That’s good acting that is.

 I tell him afterwards that he made me cry. He beams…. Pfft. Actors.

 The next day and Benedict has asked for a lesson in his trailer before going on set to film a scene where he plays Auld Lang Syne . We never managed to practice this one before as there was so much else to do. Hand positions, bowing straight, stance etc. And he only needs to be able to fake it too- it doesn’t have to be pitch perfect. But it does. Because he’s Benedict. 

 I am stunned as Ben picks out the tune himself- I give him a starting position and a finger (oh hush)  and sit aghast as he picked out the notes  He had pretty much nailed it in ten minutes having only had three proper lessons- none of which was on the tune. We’re so excited, we spontaneously high five (something which I doubt either of us would normally do) and I decide he is something of a genius.

 My bit done, I creep out…the rest of the cast and crew still have 3 weeks’ shoot left. (Some of which get interrupted by riots in London)

 Once the edit is done , David Arnold and Michael Price set about writing the score. They also check the violin scenes for synch as there was no playback on set - that would have compromised the fluidity between dialogue and music.  (My previous recordings were more as guides than the final thing). Some of the shots now cut between beginnings and ends of songs, and they look very beautiful but the songs still have to sound as the songs themselves. So I re record the pieces. It’s a balance between keeping the tune as close to the original as possible, and back- matching the bowing, so I adjust my playing to fit with the picture as best as possible.

I am so grateful to have been a (tiny) part of the second series of Sherlock, having enjoyed the first series so much as a viewer.

I watched Scandal in Belgravia all the way through for the first time last night when it aired on BBC1 and was so glad I hadn’t read the script properly beforehand. It was a real treat to see it and without knowing what was going to happen next. 

 It also means I get to read the script now, with a cup of tea and some slightly stale mincepies.

Happy new year!


Edgar Allan Poe
Emily Dickinson 
H. P. Lovecraft
Stephen King
Dr. Seuss 
Sylvia Plath
Ben Edlund

All the best sick fucks are from New England. 





Cleverbot knows what’s up

It’s too late

The angels have taken Captain Jack. The Angels have The Captain
People get really irritated by mental illness. “Just fucking get it together! Suck it up, man!” I had a breakdown, and a spiritual friend came to visit me in the psych ward. And they said, “You need to get out of here. Because this is the story you’re telling yourself. You know, Patch Adams has this great work-group camp where you can learn how to really celebrate life.”
It’s something people are so powerless over, and so often they want to make it your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. I started thinking of suicide when I was 10 years old—I can’t believe that that’s somebody’s fault. Like, “Oh, you’re just an attention getter.” Mental illness isn’t seen as an illness, it’s seen as a choice.
I have a joke about how people don’t talk about mental illness the way they do other regular illnesses. “Well, apparently Jeff has cancer. Uh, I have cancer. We all have cancer. You go to chemotherapy you get it taken care of, am I right? You get back to work.” Or: “I was dating this chick, and three months in, she tells me that she wears glasses, and she’s been wearing contact lenses all this time. She needs help seeing. I was like, listen, I’m not into all that Western medicine shit. If you want to see, then work at it. Figure out how not to be so myopic. You know?”


Recently crossed paths with a pal.
I’m frowning because Neil only gave me one jar of his hunny and I knew it wouldn’t last and it didn’t.
He’s smiling because he knows all the rest of his hunny is safe: the hundreds and hundreds of golden jars of it he keeps hidden from the world and hogs for himself.

Look at us. We are masters of modern terror. We are so scary. Whoooooo we are so scary.
It is okay that you do not think we are scary. 
We do not mind.
We have honey.

A new sticker for DCAF this weekend, and a response to the dozen-plus parents who have asked me where we keep the “girl comics” at work so far this summer. Every book is a girl book if the girl can read!